I live with Sam Spade

WE is no longer a pirate, which is a relief. I was getting sick of referring to the bathroom as 'the poop deck' and having to make rowing motions with my arms whenever I was out in the yard since the house was the pirate ship, which made the surrounding yard the ocean, necessitating a rowboat to get around. On the downside, Captain Bligh has been replaced by a private detective circa 1947. He's wandering around the house wearing a trench coat and fedora and saying things like "I'm a private eye and the broad needs me to solve a case". Fortunately, I'm not 'the broad' which is a relief since for the last couple days I've been referred to as Snackie - my pirate name. I dread to think of what my film noir name would be.